The rom-com formula works so well for a very particular reason, with the primary one being the comfort of seeing two people fall in love. In Prime Video’s How to Date Billy Walsh, the filmmakers assume that its leads have the chemistry to go the distance, without ever proving it as such. At first, the breezy romance seems to imply a strange form of wish fulfillment, but as it plays out, the emptiness of the scripting becomes all the more apparent. Clearly inspired by She’s All That and John Tucker Must Die, How to Date Billy Walsh at least comes with a few charms. The primary selling point is Heartstopper‘s Sebastian Croft, who here plays lovesick best friend Archie, and also narrates. Those hoping for subversive entertainment should look elsewhere; Alex Pillai’s movie does little to evolve beyond deeply-rooted cliche.
Following in the path of hundreds of movies before, we start near the end, with a seriously disheveled Archie lamenting that “all is fair in love and war.” Time freezes, then Archie directly addresses the audience. This will be the first of many times that Billy Walsh breaks the fourth wall; from here, Archie takes us back to the first day of the last year of school. He has crushed on bestie Amelia (Charithra Chandran, Alex Rider, Bridgerton) since the two of them were young (though not as far back as when they were switched at birth at the hospital). Archie vows that on this day, he will finally proclaim his love for ‘Millie,’ but fate has other plans. Enter: uber hottie, the titular Billy Walsh (Tanner Buchanan, He’s All That, Cobra Kai). Riding in on a motorcycle, this Hollywood import immediately catches Millie’s eye, though she suspects he may be entirely out of his league. If executed better, the meta-leaning feature of Archie’s speeches to the audience would make for an easy recommend. As is, it simply feels like an easy method to toss out needless exposition to tell and not show the storied past between Archie and Amelia.
Along with Millie, the entire student body basically becomes obsessed with Billy Walsh, who can do no wrong. Billy joins the swim team to give the film some notable eye candy, why else? Much more than just a hot physique, Billy has family drama and struggles of his own to contend with. Millie continues fantasizing about being with Billy whilst Archie pines over her. In one of the best possibilities, Archie’s narration suggests having an “ironic threesome” between the trio. Of course, that idea is just thrown out for the sake of it. Instead, the script from writers Greer Ellison and Alexander J. Farrell opts for a different approach. Archie uses an A.I. app to make himself look eighty years old, pose as a “love doctor,” and advise Millie how to win over Billy. Not-so-secretly, Archie purposely gives her terrible advice that should turn away any potential prospect, including staring at Billy, making him jealous, and purposely putting Billy down.
The further Millie pursues Billy, the more she pushes Archie away. Additionally, her social status drops significantly as bully Amber (Daisy Jelley, How to Have Sex) makes fun of Millie’s every gesture. I did appreciate giving Millie quite a bit of definition by way of grieving her mother’s death. This at least makes her relatable on a surface level; beyond this attribute, I struggled to understand why Archie even cared about her so deeply in the first place. As close friends, they make sense, but as a couple? We barely see Archie and Amelia interact much at all. Without the introductory segment that ties them and their parents together, what reason does the audience have to root for their romance? Shipping Amelia with Billy at least seems more logical on a surface level. We see them go on dates, experience Billy’s chivalry, and learn about the complex backstory of the buff straight white American male.
How to Date Billy Walsh almost works, but it cannot seem to get out of its own way long enough to let the premise breathe. In a refusal to lean into either outrageous fun or rom-com moments, the gears spin without much happening behind the wheel. Take out the fart jokes, spruce up the romance elements, and flesh out the central relationships featuring the three leads, and a significantly better film would emerge. The best part of How to Date Billy Walsh was Grouplove’s “Tongue Tied” playing over the end credits. Perhaps Challengers will give me the love triangle and conflict so desperately lacking here.
Figure out How to Date Billy Walsh, exclusively matchmaking to Prime Video on Friday, April 5th.
