(Written by Intern, Alecia Wilk)
Bride Hard sounds at first like a sure-fire cash-in combination of blockbusters from opposite sides of the consumer market. Capitalizing on chick-flick flockers and 80’s action junkies at once, a successful story should not be out of reach. However, disappointment rears its head early on, and never lets up. In recycled and layered tropes, it begs to be taken as parody, but parody with nothing to say quickly grows tiresome. Snowballing to nowhere with reused raunchy zingers and out-of-place espionage stunts, it is hard to imagine the market for this Die Hard and Bridesmaids double miss.
Starting with a montage stolen in style from the Succession theme, the deep childhood friendship between Sam (Rebel Wilson) and Betsy (Anna Camp) is meant to be gathered by osmosis. The present then rushes this lore out of the way as the central bachelorette party tipsily traipses down a Paris Street, and actor nameplates rain on freeze frames as if made in iMovie. Points like this, where a nostalgic referent is uncomfortably clear but also so distant in spirit, are what reduce Bride Hard from satire to something offensive to entertainment. Sam, Betsy’s maid of honor, quickly tears away from the bridesmaid festivities to her duties as a secret agent. The punchy action which follows registers as a child showing off carthwheels—an expression of nothing better to do. Flip-flopping between bridal party petty drama and high-profile mortal missions continue, and Sam’s best friend demotes her from maid of honor to just another bridesmaid.
The biggest crime though is that too often, the humor simply falls flat. Save from some great line deliveries from Da’Vine Joy Randolph, everyone seems to be jumping cue. Moving from scene to scene and quip to quip at an exhausting pace, Bride Hard manages to be overstimulating and understimulating at the same time. Was this meant to be watched in bursts? Either in brief glances up from a phone or on a phone itself, broken up into bite-sized verticals, the monotony gets tiring. In one sitting it is difficult to follow. Speed-pitching beats without substance, there is nothing in the story to settle on. Numb to punchlines that never cease, the watch experience becomes as tedious as the one-note characters.
A menu of highlights from spy thrillers, soap operas, and Hallmark movies come clashing together in this action comedy. With so much going on, audiences are forced swiftly through absurd clips of chaos. Given the low-brow attitude and the stamina it requires, Bride Hard seems squarely aimed at a generation of TikTok brains. However, its frequent dependence on innuendos and lewd humor makes that a subject for judgement.
Will you vow to sit until the credits roll or get cold feet? FInd out when Bride Hard hits theatres on Friday, June 20th.
